Tiger After My Nookie

I woke up this morning and who did I see?

Why it was Tiger Woods starring back at me.

I jumped out of bed with super hero speed
Grabbed a spongebob bat ready to see him bleed

Put the bat down sexy Sandy and hear what I say.
Without your nookie I will not last another day.

I don't even know you Tiger, stop telling me these lies
Before I do more than blacken your eyes.

I saw your picture on facebook and right then I knew
Bootylicious Sandy, you're the one I want to do.

I can understand how you find me so yummy and fine.
Yet your adulterous offer I must decline.

For my nookie belongs to another who I adore
So get out of my house, for with me you will not score.

Tiger began to weep and went for the door.
For his lustful heart could take no more.

When he opened my front door he had such a fright
for it was his wife Elin standing there ready to fight.

She pulled out a sling shot and took off her wedding ring.
Ready to show cheating Tiger who was king.

With the power of the energizer bunny on crack, Elin pulled back the sling shot ready to fire her ring at him.
The chances for Tiger to escape were growing slim.

Then it happened, who would have known
That the ring hit him in his favorite erogenous zone.

Tiger doubled over with such agonizing pain.
Wondering how he could get through life without his main vein.

I was afraid Elin would hurt me next so I slowly began to close my door.
Fear not Sandy, for I know you are not a dirty whore.

Relief swept over me like an intravenous drug
Then Elin reached out and gave me a great big hug.

Sandy there is something I want you to know,
I stalk you on facebook and see all the love you show.

So I knew that Tiger is a man you would not do,
For your husband Hans is the only one you wish to pursue.

I ask Elin if she would like to come in for a cup of tea
She said sure but first I have to pee.

After she had her tea we said our good-byes
I felt a connection with her this I could not deny.

She left dragging her broken Tiger behind
Praying for healing and a better state of mind.

I cant believe how crazy my morning has been so far.
Tiger Woods really broke in trying to get into my nookie jar.

I wonder if I will ever see Elin and Tiger again in my life
and if Elin will remain as Tigers wife.


Thursday, December 17, 2009