Thought You Were Gone

Thought you were gone
Thought you were dead
But there you are trapped inside my head

My lips are moving
Your ears turn deaf to my plea
Want to shake you so that maybe you can see

How sorry I am I left you all alone 
For these vast sins against you, I will atone

You turn to me as silent tears fall from your sorrowful brown eyes
We are twisted and tied up in a suffocating web of lies

I have hated you more than anyone could
When no one would abuse you...... I would

I can't number the times I would shame you for the tears you would cry
Wishing that weak little girl inside of me would crumble up and die

Everyone you loved was to screwed up to see
The wonderful person you wanted to be
You tried without ceasing to be good enough to be loved and cherished
Yet nothing was ever good enough and your soul began to perish

You found no love at home so your little feet began to wonder
Trying to figure out how to fill this void your mind began to ponder

You thought you were smart and had figured it out
A love of a man is what it was all about
You compromised yourself time and time again
Adding constantly to your growing number of sins

Each compromise made you even more broken then before
Empty and defeated you felt like a dirty whore

I couldn't take watching you self destruct and needed to do something fast
So I buried you deep within and forgot about you at long last

The years rolled by and I was making wiser choices
All I could hear now were positive voices

I started a family more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed
I had it all together
At least that is how it seemed

Your voice started coming back as a whisper in my head at night
Desperately trying to stuff you down
I began to fight

It seemed everywhere I turned you were there
Looking at your pain was more than I could bare

I became desperate to push you away
Little compromises started creeping back into my day

Little compromises turned into enourmous ones that could not be taken back
All those good morals I had worked on were under massive attack

I tried to fix what was broken myself but it was all in vain
All my efforts just brought on more self destruction and pain

I looked up to heaven with my hands held high
Please forgive me Lord and started to cry

I've made a mess of my life as anyone can see
Wanting your Grace to restore me back to what you would have me to be

God showed me the only way to heal was to turn back and face the pain of the past
If I wanted any kind of peace that could last

I had tried everything I knew to avoid this task at hand
Afraid this pain my heart could not withstand

Now that I am forced to take a good look at you for exactly who and what you are
I see that you are a beautiful little girl even if a little battered and scarred

Now that I have faced the pain of the past
Those chains of yesterday are fading at long last

Walking through the pain did not kill me you see
God was right there walking with me

Hush little girl you need not cry anymore
For I love you and will abuse you no more

Little child within I'm sorry it took me so long to see
That you are a most beautiful part of  me!!